"Is this hurting you as much as me? I thought so."

"Ow-ee, Tom! You're kinda strong for a little guy."

"Yes, you totally got me. Now would you please turn that damn joy buzzer off and let me have my hand back already?"

"Will you gay marry me?"

"I crap turds bigger than you, little man."

"Tell Ronnie Earle I said Hi."

"Short people got no reason to live."

"Yes sir, I got a couple of them oilwells.. and they is makin all us in Midland rich!"

"God, you're a big ol' tall donkey fella aren't ya?"

This David always beats this Goliath.

D: "How's that whole 'I don't drink' thing treating you right now?"
C: "How's the sweating problem?"

"You have beautiful skin David! Is that an apricot masque or an alpha hydroxy?"

What scent is that your are wearing...Old Spice? It really turns my crank Tom.

Nice Joey Jo Jo Shabadoo reference.

Looking giddy as a school girl meeting her pop idol, Tom Craddick realizes too late that he is not shaking the hand of Dan Shelley.

C: "I hate real life...if this were the movies I'd be standing on a box."

"Hey David, did you hear the one about the Priest, the Jew, and the Colored Boy"

Hey David...its still legal for two men to love each other...we just can't get married. Now suck it bitch!

Everyone has always loved Munchkins.

Can I be your lollipop kid.